November 2014 – Nothing


t2014111

DCCXLV – November 2014

Running total Highest chart placing The song and who did it
7992
9
T.I.N.A.
Fuse O.D.G. featuring Angel
7993
3
BUMP AND GRIND 2014
Waze and Odyssey vs R. Kelly
7994
6
WICKED GAMES
Parra for Cuva featuring Anna Naklab
7995
6
OUTSIDE
Calvin Harris featuring Ellie Goulding
7996
1
I DON’T CARE
Cheryl
7997
9
LIKE I CAN
Sam Smith
7998
8
YOU RUIN ME
Veronicas
7999
7
REAL LOVE
Tom Odell
8000
1
WAKE ME UP
Gareth Malone’s All Star Choir
8001
4
BLANK SPACE
Taylor Swift
8002
8
6 WORDS
Wretch 32
8003
5
DANGEROUS
David Guetta featuring Sam Martin
8004
3
WRAPPED UP
Olly Murs featuring Travie McCoy
8005
2
REAL LOVE
Clean Bandit and Jess Glynne
8006
1
DO THEY KNOW IT’S CHRISTMAS? (2014)
Band Aid 30

 

T.I.N.A. doesn’t really do a lot for me, but that’s OK, there are fourteen more songs for this month, so one of them must be all right at the very least. Having said that, the very next tune is a remix that sounds like it’s actually older than the original song. Even worse, the remix plays at a different speed to the original sample. God, what a mess.

Chris Isaak’s Wicked Game doesn’t work as a dance track. Thanks for the demonstration, Parra for Cuva.

This makes a nice change – Outside is an original song! Hurrah! Of course, I say¬†original… well, it’s better than David Guetta’s previous effort so, you know, you find the positives where you can. Thankfully, the woman of a thousand surnames has arrived with the best single of the month so far, even if (SOUNDING LIKE MY MUM KLAXON) there are some naughty words in the lyrics that really don’t need to be there. It doesn’t look the MP3-buying public agreed with me though, because it fell out of the chart remarkably quickly – it’s mid-November now, but it still only just made it into the new year.

Like I Can is, by Sam Smith’s standards, hardcore techno. It’s got a beat and everything! Unfortunately, by anyone else’s standards it plods along with an air of tired resignation. Never mind, it’s still progress of a sort. Back in the eighties, songs like You Ruin Me would’ve been turfed out into the path of an unsuspecting public as massive power ballads, but this isn’t the 1980s and instead we get vocals, a piano and a few strings. That’s yer lot, I’m afraid. It’s not terrible, but it doesn’t really attempt to tread new ground. Speaking of which, here’s Tom Odell with the song that soundtracked John Lewis’s 2014 Christmas advert. Yeah, the one with the penguin. Once again, an old song is given the minimalist treatment in a ploy to tug at the heartstrings. Apart from completely failing to do so, it very nearly worked on me. If we’ve had the John Lewis song, it makes sense that this year’s Children In Need single follows immediately afterwards and here it is. It’s basically Avicii’s Wake Me Up performed by a proper band and lots of singers and yeah, total gimmick, but it raised a few quid for charity so it’s not all bad. Mind you, it didn’t hang around – straight in at Number One, down to 7, down to 54 and out of the chart forever. Call me daft if you like, but surely engineering a single to do well for just one week isn’t the best way to raise money for charity?

I like Blank Space. Not as much as Shake It Off, obviously, but it’s still a useful number. Not quite so keen on 6 Words, but I can’t criticise it too much because it is at least doing something different. David Guetta goes full-on eighties retro with Dangerous, and it is at least a departure from his usual stuff, but a Top Five placing? Blimey, you lot are generous. Next, Olly Murs goes disco and… blimey… he makes it work. Should he be doing that? Oh, wait, here comes the guest rapper to say a few words that really didn’t need to be said. Song number five for this week comes from Clean Bandit, probably to prove that they’re more than just foils for Microsoft’s Cortana doobry in what was possibly the most irritating advert of the year. They succeed, but still, that advert’s left a stain that’ll take a while to wash off. Now then, it’s time for bloody Band Aid again. God knows why, surely somebody must’ve told Bob Geldof about the law of diminishing returns by now? Each version has been worse than its predecessor, and the fourth incarnation is comfortably the dreariest of the lot. I know it’s for a good cause, but why not write a new song or, at a pinch, re-issue the original? Seems I’m not the only person to think this – it went straight to the top as expected, but then tumbled rapidly, and by the time the CD format was released it had fallen as far as No.12. Now, you’d expect the arrival of an extra format to propel it back to the top for Christmas, but no, it only rebounded as far as No.3 before going into a nosedive. The fact that Do They Know It’s Christmas Mark IV was tailspinning out of the chart on Christmas Day, rather than becoming the festive Number One it was intended to be should hopefully put an end to the reworking and remodelling for good.