November 2009 – Experiment IV


t2009112

DCLXXXV – November 2009

Running total Highest chart placing The song and who did it
7311
1
MEET ME HALFWAY
Black Eyed Peas
7312
3
DOWN
Jay Sean featuring Lil Wayne
7313
2
WHAT ABOUT NOW
Westlife
7314
1
BAD ROMANCE
Lady Gaga
7315
9
END CREDITS
Chase and Status featuring Plan B
7316
4
TIK TOK
Ke$ha
7317
1
EVERYBODY IN LOVE
JLS
7318
8
ABOUT A GIRL
Sugababes
7319
7
3
Britney Spears
7320
5
I NEED YOU
N-Dubz
7321
2
HAPPY
Leona Lewis
7322
3
WHATCHA SAY
Jason Derulo
7323
1
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
X-Factor Finalists

 

I think I’ve just worked out why the Black Eyed Peas get away with songs that generally sound daft at best and totally ridiculous at worst. They completely and totally believe that what they’re doing is the greatest music ever made – now, that may sound pretty bloody obvious to you, but imagine how Boom Boom Pow would sound if will.i.am treated it as nothing more than a laugh. I didn’t like it, true, but it went to Number One so loads of other people thought it was great. If he didn’t go into the recording studio with the right attitude though, the whole thing would fall apart. Meet Me Halfway isn’t anywhere near as bonkers, but there’s still some heavily processed vocals in there and that’s what gave me my lightbulb moment. You’ve got to feel sorry for Lil Wayne as he does his guest spot in Down – poor bugger’s had his voice so heavily processed he sounds just like the robot in the Confused.com adverts. What About Now ask Westlife. What about it? It’s another dreary cover version (a Daughtry song this time), but a new Westlife single must mean the Christmas festivities are approaching. They’re like pop music’s equivalent of an advent calendar.

Bad Romance is one of the most insane pop songs ever written. Ridiculous chanting, something that sounds like the washing machine noise from Human Resource’s Dominator, Lady Gaga singing like a petulant schoolboy, it’s all here and then some. End Credits is good too, and knocks spots off Tik Tok, and Everybody In Love too, while we’re at it.

About A Girl marks the debut of the Mark IV model of the Sugababes, and with Jade replacing Keisha there are now no original band members left. This isn’t the Sugababes, it’s a tribute act – even namechecking themselves at the start of the song sounds like nothing more than a desperate attempt to convince the fans it’s the same band that recorded Overload. Also, the song is staggeringly average. The only thing I feel I need to say about 3 is that it’s ridiculous, whereas on the other hand I Need You is… it’s… well, it’s definitely… er… undeniably… a single by N-Dubz. Finally for this week, Happy sounds anything but.

I imagine the conversation at the record label for Whatcha Say went along the lines of “Jason Derulo’s new song sounds good, but there’s something missing…” “I know, we could process the vocals far beyond what would usually be deemed the limit.” “Are you crazy, man? Even the Black Eyed Peas know when to stop!” “If we don’t push AutoTune beyond normal tolerances, we’ll never know where too far is!” “You make a compelling argument. Let’s do this!” Elsewhere, You Are Not Alone is hijacked by a load of wannabes, has-beens, about-to-bes, never-weres and Olly Murs. And Jedward. Oh God, Jedward. They’re coming, people. Barricade your doors. It may not be enough, but at least you’ll feel like you’ve done something.