KOOCHY

Armand Van Helden

He's not exactly Mr Prolific, is he? Approximately one half-decent single every year, that's his strike rate (and it's more than Steps have thus far managed). This year he's decided to go in a different direction musically and to make life really difficult for himself he's also apparently gone on record as saying most dance music is pants. Nice move. Now what field of music do you specialise in again? Oh yes, that's right, dance music. Been to the Prince Phillip School Of Diplomacy, have we sir? Even I know that if you go around saying your fellow mixmasters aren't up to the job, then you have to be able to back up those brave words with a tune that is basically the musical equivalent of the word "gobsmacked". He's had to deliver and he's duly obliged. This is a stunner of a single, although there's not really that much to it. Get some bloke to say a few words, vocode it, add Gary Numan's Cars over the top and hoy bungo! One good single. That's all you need. No fancy twiddly noises, no Jason Nevins remix, no marketing wizards involved and no chance of reaching Number One whatsoever, just a straightforward song that goes in, gets the job done and gets out again. Lovely.

TELL ME WHY (THE RIDDLE)

Paul Van Dyk featuring Saint Etienne

Aside from Van, Prolific appears to be Paul Van Dyk's middle name. During the adverts halfway through Home And Away, you may nip off and pop the kettle on, but this bloke doesn't. He sits down and pens something along the lines of For An Angel, that's what he does. And it's finished by the time Donald Fisher's back on the telly too. By the end of Anglia News he could have a whole album sorted out. He creates all these songs knowing full well each and every one of them is going to be given Legendary Status by every DJ that manages to get their mitts on a copy. The most annoying thing is that all his songs are actually good. This isn't any different either. It's as upbeat and mad for it as everything else he's ever done, only with Sarah Saint Etienne warbling over the top. It's going to be huge. Jammy devil.