IF YOU EVER COME BACK

The Script

I’ve never reviewed anything by the Script before now... there wasn't any need. May as well break my duck though, so here they are, bless their little cotton socks. It’s the same inoffensive, mid-tempo, jingly-jangly music they’ve always done; you know, the sort that could’ve been used as incidental music on a 1990s US sitcom if they’d been around back then. However, it’s the lyrics that caught my attention, especially the chorus. Now, most people are rightly concerned about having a nice, secure home to live in, free of burglars and other assorted naughty people. What you SHOULD do is put in a burglar alarm, bolt the windows and use general common sense. What you should NOT do is sing a song telling the world how easy it is to break into your home and steal all your wordly possessions. Don’t believe me? "I’ll leave the door on the latch if you ever come back," states the singer. Nice opening gambit, but it gets better. "There’ll be a light in the hall and a key under the mat." See? You won’t even have to force the lock! That’s saved some time right there. The singer even mentions that he’ll have the kettle on for you, so if you’ve tired yourself out from lugging the sofa out to the van on your own, you can stop for a brew. "By leaving my door open I’m risking everything I own," he burbles during the second verse, to which most of his listeners are probably going to reply with three words, the last of which must surely be "Sherlock." Suffice to say, matters don’t improve after that. I’ll be honest with you, I’m not in the home insurance business, but I have a sneaking suspicion that any insurance firm in the country would, in all likelihood, take a very dim view of people who broadcast their appalling lack of home security arrangements to anyone within earshot. Personally, I’m taking a very dim view of the song because it’s a) not very original and b) not very good.

KIDZ

Take That

Since Take That reverted to a five-piece, their music has improved hugely. Rule The World? Yeah, right, whatever. That’s in the past. They’ve started taking risks again and long may that continue; take this, for example. It’s the hardest sounding single they’ve ever done and while it’ll lose them a few fairweather fans, it’ll gain them new ones because it really is so different from any single they’ve released before. Anger, cynicism, dreadful spelling, it’s all here and then some. Great stuff.