ISSUES

Saturdays

There are some things I'll never understand, and seeing as one of my New Year's resolutions is to stop going off on tangents and instead to get straight to the point, just for a change I'm not going to give you a series of examples of things that I simply can't wrap my head around before finally telling you which particular incomprehensible thing it is that relates to this song; oh no, that's the old me, this is the new me and I'm going to just come out with it and tell you what vexes me... actually, this 'new' me does seem to have some remarkable similarities with the 'old' me... well done Simon, only seven days into 2009 and already that's one New Year's resolution chucked in the blender and turned into jam. British singers singing with American accents, then... sorry, what? Oh yes, that's it, that was the thing that I can't understand. Do keep up. That's the subject of this week's Why Do They Do It? I mean, honestly, look at Bruce Springsteen. If he'd done Born To Run sounding like Chas and Dave he'd have ended up flipping burgers for a living for the past thirty-odd years. And can you imagine Madonna singing Material Girl with a West Country accent? It'd be funnier than anything the Wurzels have ever done, that's for sure. So, why on Earth do some British singers go all transatlantic the moment somebody in the recording studio hits the Record button? Anyway, that's not the biggest problem this song has, even though it's a bugbear of mine. The biggest problem is that this song isn't actually very good. It's so bland and unexciting that if the CD had been painted beige, I wouldn't have been in the least surprised. See, here's the thing. They're a new band, and they've kicked off with two uptempo songs, so the powers that be have decided to mix it up a bit by bringing down the pace a tad for outing number three. Trouble is, most slower-paced pop songs tend to sound the same, in fact they may well all have the same guitar used on them, and it's not easy creating a ballad that stands out. You may like this song now, but give it six months and you probably won't even remember it. Shame really, the first two singles said "Hello, we're the Saturdays," whereas this one says "Hello, we're just like everyone else."

NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL MUSIC

Various Artists (album)

No stupidly large number at the end of the title, no cheery exclamation mark either. There's a reason for that – this is Now 1, where it all began way back in 1983. The daft thing is that until now, the first nine Nows have never been released on CD in their entirety, so hopefully the thinking is that if this sells enough, then the rest will follow and those obsessive collectors will finally get the chance to have the full set on compact disc... just as the format's becoming obsolete. Yeah, good timing. Now, the first Now isn't like the Nows you get now - it's only got 30 tracks, but look at what you get. The Safety Dance (amazing), Karma Chameleon (rubbish), The Lovecats (genius), two songs from UB40 (God knows why), and (Hey You) The Rock Steady Crew. In other words, it's a time capsule filled with stuff that people listened to in 1983, just as Nows 7 and 8 prove that 1986 was awesome and Now 33 demonstrates how desperate things had got by 1996. Mind you, something else in its favour is the fact that it's about the only eighties themed compilation around at the moment that doesn't have Vienna on it. Do you know what, I don't even care that Bonnie Tyler's on this album, I'm still going to recommend it.