RAINDROPS (ENCORE UNE FOIS PART II)

Sash! featuring Stunt

See, that's the thing about sequels, they're very rarely as good as the original. Granted, there's The Empire Strikes Back, The Godfather Part II and Hot Shots Part Deux, but generally speaking the moment you whack the number two at the end of a title you risk the item concerned being regarded as a number two in its own right. This sort of procedure doesn't usually happen in the wonderful madcap world of popular music, where they stick the current year onto the end of the title instead, but the principle still holds true. If a number's at the end of a title and it doesn't really belong there, caveat emptor – that's my advice. So, last week I reviewed Infinity 2008 and decided that it was a bit good to say the very least, and now I discover that Sash! (who I really hope will one day get rid of that ridiculous! exclamation! mark!) has also returned from an extended holiday / the recording studio / the JobCentre (delete as appropriate) with a reworking of the song that put him on the map. Like Guru Josh, Sash! has! also! reworked! his! own! song! – hang on a minute, looks like it's catching. I'm just going to remove the exclamation mark button from my keyboard. Talk amongst yourselves for a minute...


Right, that's the end of that. Now, as I was saying before this review nearly got smashed by a tidal wave of punctuation, Sash has also reworked his own song. Like Guru Josh, Sash has given his track proper vocals, but never fear, the shouty French girl still does her bit when the occasion demands. However, Encore Une Fois Part II is nowhere near as good as Infinity Part II, and although some of that is down to the limitations of the source material, the update has turned it into nothing more than a clone of all the other radio-friendly dance numbers doing the rounds these days. For all its faults, the original stood out and there's the main difference. Just for a second, imagine songs as people. When Infinity strides out on the dancefloor, it's like watching John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever (or Ted Striker in Airplane) – it looks ridiculous, but everyone's paying attention because there's nothing else like it. When Raindrops goes out to strut its stuff, so does everybody else, the dancefloor gets crowded and in the end it slinks off to the bar, drowning its sorrows with alcopops and making polite conversation with a handful of Basshunter and Ultrabeat B-sides – if it's lucky. That's why this song is disappointing. Eleven years it's taken Sash to revisit this song and this is the best he could do? Poor show.

IF I WERE A BOY

Beyonce

In which La Knowles gives her other half a vicious verbal assault that must've done some serious emotional damage. Or something. At first glance it might appear to be a sweeping generalisation towards boys, which is unfair really because I was one once and I'd like to think I've gone on to lead a relatively normal life. Here, we've got Beyonce singing about all the things she'd do if she put herself in for a spot of gender reassignment (which would be a remarkable way of promoting this single, it has to be said), but mainly she's saying how much nicer she'd be towards her girlfriend if she had one, but of course she hasn't got one because actually she's the girlfriend and it's her boyfriend who's got a girlfriend instead who happens to be Beyonce who's the one singing about all this in the first place, which is about as crystal clear as you're likely to get. If you assume, like I have, that she's singing this song in anger to her boyfriend and him alone, the words do make sense, it's just a shame the tune doesn't back it up. Here's how bland and forgettable the melody is – do you remember the standard drum sound that the Backstreet Boys, A1 and all those other late-nineties boybands were so fond of? That's what drives this song. I need say no more.