DON’T STOP THE MUSIC

Rihanna

There's meant to be this thing called Six Degrees Of Separation, in which you're supposed to be able to connect yourself to anyone else in the world in six moves or less. You should try playing me at chess, I can usually lose in the same number of moves. I don't really think that works in the world of popular music though, and that's mainly thanks to the delights of sampling. Take this song for example. Manu Dibango to Rihanna in two moves. Here goes. Way, way back in 1972 a bloke called… well, you know already, released a single called Soul Makossa, and eleven years later some unknown called Michael Jackson used the chant from that song on Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'. I can only guess that at the time he named the song he had a serious grudge against the letter G, but anyway, both the chant and Jackson's whooping and hollering (or whoopin' and hollerin') have been used to provide background noise to this, the seven-hundredth single from Rihanna's latest album, and probably the best of the lot. There's not a great deal to it, really – the drum loop bashes away from start to finish, Rihanna sings throughout and if there is a tune to this song, it's probably lying in bed somewhere with a massive hangover, which is probably why there isn't much of a melody here. Doesn't matter though, what's here works just fine. Mind you, she's going to have to do something about that stutter of hers that seems to pop up every time she sings the name of the song. First it was "Umbrella ella ella", then it was "Shut up and drive drive drive", and now it's "Please don't stop the please don't stop the please don't stop the music". I believe it was Morris Minor and the Majors who once said "there's something very wrong with your vocal technique when the 12" mix goes on for a week" and she'd do well to learn from that advice.

FEEDBACK

Janet Jackson

Blimey, Janet Jackson, there's a name from the past. She's the one who sang The Best Things In Life Are Free with Luther Vandross a while back, a sentiment entirely missed by the record company seeing as they went on to charge the going rate for the single, which may tell you what they thought of the song. Still, time moves on, and these days by the sounds of things, she's now best friends with Mr Vocoder, which is never a good move in my book. In fact, this sounds as though it's come from exactly the same place that Britney Spears's last couple of singles did. Janet Jackson being accused of sounding like Britney Spears… my God, is this what the world's come to? When it comes to the song, it's all about the repetitive beats and minimal melody – a bit like Rihanna's new one only not as good. Look at that, now she's getting compared to Rihanna – all these comparisons, eh? That can only mean one thing, and that's that this sounds a bit samey. She's not doing her own thing, she's doing stuff that other people are already doing. To be fair, this isn't the worst single in the world, in fact it's fairly listenable, but it's not going to set the charts alight, and for a comeback single that's pretty bad news. On the bright side, at least this Jackson sibling is still recording new material.

A&E

Goldfrapp

When you hear a song and the first thing that springs to mind is "Erasure were doing this sort of thing and better 15 years ago", there's a problem. Fair play to Goldfrapp for moving in a different direction, but this isn't anywhere near as good as stuff like Lovely Head or Train – in fact, it's a bit twee. Everything's in the right place, from the gentle strumming of the guitar to the crashing drums that mark the halfway point, but by their own standards, this one's comparitively forgettable. Still, on the bright side, at least it's only the first song off the album. There might be better to come.