HEADLINES (FRIENDSHIP NEVER ENDS)

Spice Girls

Whatever you say about the Spice Girls, you have to admit that there was a time when they were everywhere and I do mean everywhere. They were constantly on the radio, their singles were invariably at No.1, nearly every single girl under the age of 15 had a copy of Spice (Virgin Records may even have considered finding out where the ones who didn't lived so they could personally demand an explanation from them), they were singing about how great Pepsi was (you see – you can't trust adverts), you couldn't even go to the cinema for fear of walking into a showing of Spiceworld: The Movie by mistake, there were Spice Girls dolls if you wanted them and I wouldn't be surprised if the quintet even stood outside people's houses singing Say You'll Be There non-stop through the letterbox until the occupants finally crumbled and ran, screaming and in tears, to their local Our Price for a copy. Like I said, everywhere. So what do we have now that matches up to that? Sugababes? Girls Aloud? Samanda? Pah! Mere pretenders to the throne compared to the onslaught of Gi- no, no, NO! I'm not saying that phrase. I refuse point blank. It was naff in 1996, and it's naff now. Besides, it reminds me of Puppy Power, so whenever they said it it reminded me of Scrappy Doo, and that's something no-one should put up with. Part of the blame must lie with Hanna-Barbera, but that's not the point. The thing is, their songs weren't the best, not by a long way, but they were having a damned good time recording them and it showed through in abundance on the early singles. If you enjoy what you do, it can cover up an awfully large number of other deficiencies. Of course, it all went a bit wrong after Geri left, especially with That Difficult Third Album (stand up, Forever, and hang your head in shame), probably because it didn't sound like they were having fun anymore – worse, by this time the music was dull as ditchwater, no catchy lines like "I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want" and no memorable riffs either. Songs like Who Do You Think You Are? may have been a bit naff, but if I'm honest, if it was playing on the radio, I probably wouldn't bother changing the station. On the other hand, Holler is a godawful R&B-wannabe nightmare that I could quite happily never listen to again during my remaining time on this Earth. Now, here's the bad news. Headlines is in the Holler camp. All that fuss and hype over the five of them re-uniting, and all for this. Even the Wannabe reference in the title can't save this one. Take That came back with a more mature sound, and one day the radio stations might even realise they've done songs other than Shine and Patience. The Spice Girls, however, have returned with a leaden slab of dirge that anyone at all could've sung – and therein lies the problem. You play this to anyone too young to remember them the first time round and you're going to have a tough time convincing them that what I said at the start actually happened. This doesn't have the Spice Girls mark on it that Spice Up Your Life or Wannabe or even 2 Become 1 had, it's just a generic ballad that's only marginally less interesting than installing Windows on a PC, and I speak from experience on this matter. Thing is though, this is only really a trailer for the Greatest Hits, and they're splitting up again next year (this time it's definite, until the next time), so there's no need to put in too much effort – nobody buys a Greatest Hits for the new stuff, it's the classics they're after. I just think that seeing as this is pretty much the last hurrah, and given the happy and jolly sound they're known for, that the Spice Girls could've really gone for it and gone out with a triumphant bang. Headlines is a monumentally missed opportunity.