KINGDOM

Dave Gahan

Hey kids! Are you having fun? Yeah? Don't listen to this then, it's no good as far as you're concerned. This is four and a half minutes of relentlessly pounding gloom and misery and it's really not going to be your cup of tea at all. Still, look on the bright side, the daytime radio schedules probably aren't going to touch this song with a ten-foot bargepole attached to the end of a fifty-foot bargepole, and you know it'll never appear on Smash Hits or The Box because, well, let's face it, Dave Gahan's in his mid-forties now and who wants to see someone that old on those channels? Besides, there's only two verses, two choruses and the instrumental break actually comes at the end of the song! I mean really, where's the sense in that? Don't these people realise you need to finish the song with either two choruses and a big finish or a straightforward fade out? No, I'll tell you what kids, you go back to your Scissor Sisters and your Feeling and your James Morrison and leave this sort of music with me. Call me daft if you like, and trust me, you wouldn't be the first to do so, but I rather like this one. In fact, for someone who's supposed to be rapidly approaching middle-age and supposedly settling down and watching Countdown and all that malarky, there's still an awful lot of fire in Mr Gahan's belly. Anyway, I like listening to a bit of gloom and doom occasionally, makes a nice change from some of the other happy-clappy stuff I have to sit through. More of this sort of thing, please.

TICK TICK BOOM

Hives

I'm fairly sure this is one of the bands that time forgot. They first appeared a few years back, with loud, fast guitar-driven tunes… and they're still doing exactly the same thing now that they were then. That doesn't stop the song being any good, actually come to think of it this is one of their better singles, but I'm a little disappointed that their sound hasn't moved on, at least it hasn't on the evidence of this. It's one of those "I like this, but…" singles.

CROCODILE

Underworld

The first time I heard this I hated it. Absolutely hated it. It just sounded so bland. The second time I heard it I thought it was incredibly average. The third time I heard it I thought it was OK, nothing special. Ever since then, my opinion of this song has improved slightly, and that must mean that this song is what we in the business call a "grower". Now, you may question my music credentials, but I'll have you know I've personally sold thousands of albums. Bet you're impressed now. Mind you, to be fair anybody else who's ever worked in a record shop will be able to say the same thing but there you go, it's not what you've done, it's how you spin it that matters. Right then, back to Underworld, and as I said earlier, I really didn't like this to begin with. It was mellow, meandering, and it sounded out-dated. Was this really the same band that produced Rez, Moaner and that one from Trainspotting? Well, as it turned out, yes, because a few listens in it all suddenly made sense. I can't really explain it, which is annoying seeing as I'm meant to, but it was one of those "Oh, now I see what they're up to" moments. Will that do? It'll have to. Yes, it's mellow, but it slowly gets to you and ends up sticking in your head like a pitchfork. Probably won't be a big hit, which is a shame, because something as well crafted as this thoroughly deserves to be huge, if only to show the likes of Ultrabeat how dance music is really done.