LIFT IT HIGH (ALL ABOUT BELIEF)

Manchester United

Ho hum, another year, another trinket for the trophy cabinet, another single. Now, my review may seem tainted by the fact that I don’t support this lot, but I assure you I really have listened to this. In actual fact, I’m a Luton Town supporter and let me tell you, being stuck in Division Two Hell as they are right now is far more preferable to me than the humiliation and shame that I would feel upon hearing my heroes attempt to sell me their musical accomplishments. Sadly, they’re not likely to be in a position any time soon that would require them to visit the recording studio, but in some ways this is A Good Thing. Our dear friends in red, however, seem to have built a studio inside Old Trafford, such is the regularity of their single releases. Some of their tunes have been dire, others appalling, some have merely been laughable. This, I can tell you, is the very worst single ever to have been released by a football team and that includes Hot Shot Tottenham. The best way to describe this act of musical murder would be Manchester United sounding like Oasis on an off day, using a song that Noel Gallagher rejected for being too moody. United fans, please, I’m begging you, don’t buy this. It’ll only encourage them to do more.

PS On the CD itself, the hole in the middle successfully beheads Teddy Sheringham. Make of that what you will…