COMING UNDONE

Korn

Is it me or are Korn better now than they were a few years back? The daft thing is, I couldn’t tell you when their music stopped hurting my ears, but then that’s the thing about only occasionally listening to their stuff. One minute they’re murdering their musical instruments and screaming as loud as they can, and the next they’re singing Word Up. Now that’s one hell of a change of pace, especially when you consider that this was a straight cover of the Cameo number they were doing. Like listening to two different bands, it was. Word Up wasn’t a fluke either, because this is also a tad calmer than the earlier stuff I’ve heard. Fair enough, you’ve got what sounds like a guitar struggling to escape and there’s a little bit of shouting, but on the other side of the coin, the drummer sounds like he’s taken his inspiration from Queen’s We Will Rock You and by way of a reward his efforts have been placed right at the forefront of the mix. Alright for some, isn’t it? What Korn have ended up with is one of those songs that I really didn’t think I’d like, but actually I do. That’s fine with me, there’s nothing quite like expecting something to be pants, hearing it and realising it’s not. It’s quite refreshing actually.

SHOES

Shania Twain

Here we are at an imaginary board meeting. The chairman of some big media giant’s been discussing business strategies and buzzwords (you know the sort – “retail is detail”, “it’s my way or the highway”, come on, sing along) with his team (never colleagues, always team) and he wants guaranteed money-making ideas. One person puts his hand up. The chairman points him out to everyone else in the room. “Yes, you. What’s your plan?” “Well, how about a war film starring children’s TV characters? We could call it Dora! Dora! Dora!” “You’re fired. Clear your desk. Anyone else?” Someone else tries their luck, at the same time hoping they won’t be spending the afternoon in the JobCentre. “Shania Twain’s not done anything lately.” “And?” “Well, she sold shedloads of records a few years back. Everyone loved her.” “I know what you mean. Without the profits from Come On Over I’d never have had a big enough bonus to buy my house. God I love Shania Twain… so what’s she up to now? I could do with a jacuzzi.” “She’s just recording a new set of songs now, boss.” “Excellent news! I’ll pick up a bottle of Matey on the way home and place the order with B&Q.” “There’s just one thing. She’s got an industry standard country music tune all sorted…” “Good to hear. And inoffensive too. I like her thinking.” “…but they’re having a bit of trouble with the words.” “Oh? How so?” “The songwriters are having a nightmare, they’re trying to describe men using a household item as a comparison, but they’re stumped.” “I told them not to play with metaphors, it’ll only end in tears. Alright then, how about… shoes?” “Shoes, sir?” “You heard me. They’re like men, aren’t they? They both get worn out, you can get both polished up… what?” “I didn't say a word.” “It’ll work, trust me. That’s why I’m in charge. Right, time for a power lunch, I think…” At which point everybody wanders out, wondering if all that really happened, which of course it didn’t because I just made it up. And the song doesn’t quite work - as tenuous links go, lyrically we’re talking hanging off the edge of a cliff by your little finger alone. It’ll still be a sizeable hit though, it’s radio-friendly so it has no option.

BRING ME LOVE

Copyright featuring Imaani

I had to check that this really was a new song, because it sounds for all the world like a house track that could’ve come out in the mid-nineties. It’s not a bad song, don’t get me wrong, it just sounds… dated. That said, The Modern sound dated and it works for them, so who am I to argue?