BROKEN

Seether featuring Amy Lee

If you're going to make a habit of reviewing the latest musical releases, the trick is to listen to something with absolutely no expectations, because sometimes you're going to be really surprised. For example, I've heard an Elton John single I didn't mind, a fantastic single by Mel C and as for the Cookie Monster disco record... class. Let me put those into context - I could count on the fingers of one hand the number of Elton John songs I like, the general quality of the Spice Girls' back catalogue is debatable to say the least and the words "Cookie", "Monster", "disco" and "record" really should not exist in the same sentence together. So, I've never heard of Seether (sorry, Seether fans), but I've heard of Amy Lee. She's the singer with Evanescence, another band from whom I'm still hoping for a single that I would want to hear a second time. However, I'm listening to this instead and I won't expect anything. Apart from the acoustic guitars at the start, for some reason I had a feeling they might kick off proceedings. Acoustic guitars don't mean anything, though, they could lead into bigger and brighter things. Somehow, my hopes for bigger and brighter things inexplicably failed to allow for the possibility of a singer who sounds a little like Kurt Cobain (not as he is now, obviously) trying to sound serious and meaningful whilst singing lines like "I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away". God knows how I missed that one, but oh my goodness, this is deep, heavy and emotional stuff. The singer practically howls his lines with a belly full of anguish and despair, bless his little cotton socks, but he backs off for the second verse allowing Ms Lee to have a go and, to be fair, she actually gets it about right. After that we get the orchestra coming in (I prayed it wouldn't be needed this time, but no, there it is) to give the tune a bit of welly and then it builds up to the quieter, low-key ending I hoped wouldn't happen but somehow knew, just knew, was on its way. I tried, but it's difficult to listen to something with no expectations when it's so colour-by-numbers as this. Not only can you see what's coming a mile off, it's practically signposted all the way to the end of the M1. The problem is the song's trying to be far too emotional. It's all dark and heavy, but it sounds like so many other songs out there it's got no identity of its own and the lyrics... well, you saw the above example. If somebody said that to me in real life, I'd stare at them to see if they were serious and then back away very slowly and carefully. Perhaps the words will strike a chord with somebody, but I can't take them seriously because they're just not grounded in reality. All in all, it's a bit of a waste.

GUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE, RAPPERS DO

Goldie Lookin Chain

This song is stupid, childish, unnecessary, immature, extraordinarily offensive (especially to fans of Michael Jackson) and really, really, really funny. It's the age-old story - Welsh hip-hop collective releases a single about a bloke who does things to BBC Micros that were not in the instruction manual and then have to follow it up with something equally as original and equally as entertaining. Been here so many times before, haven't we? I've only heard this a couple of times, but the way I understand it, the words tell the story of hip hop fans who listen to the lyrics of bands like Eminem, Cypress Hill and the rest and take them as gospel, believing every single word that comes out of their stereo and as a result they take up arms. Besides, how can you not like any song that has the line "Guns don't kill people, rappers do / From Bristol Zoo to B&Q"? Yes, this song's a joke, but it's a good joke well told and that's why it works. God knows how much more this lot can do before they run out of ideas, but it'll be interesting finding out.