THIS GROOVE

Victoria Beckham

So this is what 2004 is going to be all about, is it? Maybe we ought to skip it and move straight on to 2005, mind you, while it's here, I'll have a listen. "You won't believe what I'm doing" she says at the start. If she's talking about her comeback, Mrs Beckham is absolutely spot on. You see, I remember her last album. It was so poor it could've been standing in an underpass asking if you had any spare change for a cuppa guv. This is better, but then after that there's only one possible way to go and it isn't down. To be fair, this does stand out a little from the crowd of R&B tinged pop singles, but only far enough to give a little wave before getting back in line. Now, that's not to say this is good. It's not. However, it's possibly better than you think it's going to be, trouble is, it's probably not as good as Victoria Beckham thinks it is. Looks like Plan A needs a little more work, lucky for her there's a Plan B, then.

COMFORTABLY NUMB

Scissor Sisters

American dance outfit covers ancient Pink Floyd song. That's the premise. I'll leave you for a while to think about that and how you think it might sound.





Done? This shouldn't work, really. So does it? Well, we begin with a very repetitive riff that could easily turn into Eye Of The Tiger at any given moment. Well, it would until a bloke with an unfeasibly high singing voice starts doing what he's paid to do, namely to sing in a manner that would make the Bee Gees proud, bless him. Then the drum machine and bassline kick in and... oh. There's a feeling of "Is that it?" after that, because there are no more rabbits to pull out of the hat. It gets worse, the high-pitched singing rapidly becomes very irritating indeed and by the end I felt like drawing numbers on the disc and using it as a dartboard. It's a shame, because this song could've worked with a bit more attention to detail, but there just isn't enough going on here to require a second listen, which is bad news if you're the Scissor Sisters, but extremely good news if you're aiming for a 161 checkout.

I'M LOVIN' IT

Justin Timberlake

Good for you, Justin. I won't deny it's very well done, but this song's just too slick, too smooth and well... a little too confident in its own ability. I'm not sure why, but this sounds too professionally polished for me to enjoy it. Is there anything good around this week?

HIT THAT

Offspring

Not yet. If Lipps Inc ever did a metal version of Funky Town, it would sound a bit like this. If Madness ever did a metal song, it would sound a bit like this too. On the one hand, you've got Offspring, a band who like to play their instruments loud and scream the words to their songs, whilst on the other you have very basic early eighties sounding synthesisers and possibly the most basic drum machine in existence. The end result sounds more like a demo than most demos I've heard and while it's listenable in a strange what-were-they-thinking kind of way, it doesn't come together and you end up with a song that could've been either hard rock or disco and ends up so far away from either it's almost embarrassing. More a case of Black Lace than Black Sabbath, I'm afraid.

LET YOUR HEAD GO

Victoria Beckham

Welcome to the world of Plan B and guess what? This is miles better than This Groove. Cheery pop that's only one good remix away from being accepted by the masses, that's what this is. That's the good news. The bad news is that it sounds for all the world like a song that could've been offered to Ms Minogue first (Dannii, not Kylie for a change) and whilst the singer employed here does her best, you just know that Dannii Minogue would've given this song a bit more welly. All in all, a success, but only just.