So, what do you want for Christmas? My initial thoughts on being asked were "Christ knows", which of course is pretty much correct seeing as its his birthday, therefore he'd know what he wanted. You can tell by this introductory piece that this isn't your normal music column - this is the Holiday Special. See if you can spot what links the reviews together and have a merry Christmas!...

THE BEST CHRISTMAS ALBUM IN THE WORLD... EVER!

Various Artists (album, obviously)

Yep, they brought it out Again. Apart from the fact that Another Rock'n'Roll Christmas isn't on here nowadays, it's the same old yuletide "pop classics" that you'd expect regurgitated year after year. This may be the best, but just for once I'd like to hear the worst - it'd be one hell of a laugh.

ASEREJE (THE KETCHUP SONG - XMAS VERSION)

Las Ketchup

Until now, I considered Paul McCartney's Wonderful Christmastime to be the most desperate Christmas single ever. You know how it's done, you take an ordinary song, bung some sleigh bells over the top and hey presto - one yuletide smash guaranteed to worm its way onto countless Christmas compilations for decades afterwards! At least the lyrics are festive (these albums have an annoying habit of including Stay Another Day and The Power Of Love although Mr Blobby was the 1993 Christmas Number One and I don't see him listed). This tops McCartney by miles. It's just the original with some sleigh bells chucked in and what sounds like a toddler playing a cheap xylophone - even the lyrics appear to be the same. The words flogging, dead and horse spring to mind.

THE SOUND OF THE UNDERGROUND

Girls Aloud

This single's been deliberately crafted to go to Number One for Christmas (after that I doubt either ITV or the record company will give a flying monkey's about it) and the band themselves'll probably be gone within a year (Hear'Say today, gone tomorrow), but I just can't bring myself to hate this song. Maybe I'm mellowing or maybe it's because this song's caught me at the end of a hectic week, but it's quite fun. Wouldn't buy it though.