I LOVE IT WHEN WE DO

Ronan Keating

I’d love it if he didn’t.

I can’t believe how dismal this is. Where’s the fun, the spirit, the emotion, the little things that keep you interested? I’ll tell you where they are, they’re all on another single. There are only so many Life Is A Rollercoaster retreads you can do you know, Mr Keating. If you to know how this song sounds, that last sentence sums it up perfectly. This is so bad I almost want Boyzone to reform just so he has something else to do than release more stuff like this.

DUCKTOY

Hampenberg

People thought that away from the Sooty Show, Sweep was nothing. Well, after an uncredited appearance on Embrace’s Hooligan a couple of years back (although it’s possible it was just a kazoo) he’s apparently back. And what a song to come back with. Like Ronan Keating’s record, this too is pants. However, unlike Mr Keating’s rotating aluminium demon, this is the aural equivalent of a road accident – you know you shouldn’t keep listening, but you have to stick with it in case something else happens. For starters, the by now obligatory (for this sort of song) thumping beats are in place. Next up, we have the strange electronic noises that have no place in nature. So far, so not very original, but this is where the big guns are brought out in the hope of saving this wreck. It’s supposed to sound like a duck (hence the name) but it sounds more like Sweep to me, suggesting something’s gone very wrong somewhere. It’s a funny old world where a record that’s gone so horribly wrong ends up being halfway listenable, but there it is.