NO DREAM IMPOSSIBLE

Lindsay

Eurovision, Your Guarantee Of Quality. This really isn’t very good at all, but knowing the high quality threshold required to qualify for the Eurovision Song Contest that shouldn’t pose many problems when our representative reaches sunny Stockholm and belts out the song to millions of people who can’t understand a word of what she’s saying, besides it won’t matter anyway as everyone knows that the voting is so tactical it beggars belief. Oddly enough, this is Europop personified – funny that. It’s cheerful, bright and completely devoid of any personality whatsoever – anyone could’ve sung this. However, that aside, let’s wish her the best of luck anyway. This is the sort of song that thrives in the Eurovision environment and suffers badly in the real world, so it’s got to have a chance.

SURVIVOR

Destiny’s Child (album)

There are two distinct Destiny’s Childs on this album. One of them is all sweetness and light (and as a gospel medley towards the end proves, extremely religious as well – nothing wrong with that, I just thought I’d prove the point), with nothing but love for you. Awww, doesn’t that make you feel warm and fuzzy inside? Maybe, but Destiny’s Child are more fun when they have axes to grind. Big, shiny, drop dead massive axes. While half the album’s very nice and everything, the other half is like The Jerry Springer Show set to music – Independent Women (Parts I and II, no less) concerns them losing their zeroes and getting themselves heroes on their own terms. Go, girlfriends! Other songs involve the trio (for this week anyway, the line-up constantly “evolves”) saying how rotten this girl down the street is and then head to familiar territory, namely the You’re Rubbish I’m Leaving You The Dinner’s In The Dog type song (Survivor, anyone?). The absolute highlight though, without even the slightest doubt, is Nasty Girl. It starts off as a tirade (shocker) but then suddenly, after dropping Salt ‘n’ Pepa’s Push It into the mix, they start singing the riff to Tarzan Boy! Yes, the ancient Baltimora song! The bloke who wrote that must be dancing on the tables because if he’s in line for royalties, he need never work again! For a one hit wonder, I’d say that’s a huge result. R&B doesn’t really do a lot for me, but moments like that make the whole thing worthwhile.