AT THIS TIME OF YEAR

Craig

Words cannot describe how horrible this is, yet somehow it's in the running for Christmas No1 (just like the other two main reviews this week - coincidence?). It's a soppy ballad with pianos, kids, some mediocre singing from Craig and some backing singers who just won't stop. On top of all that, it's also a Christmas song. How do I know this? Because those damned sleighbells are on it, that's how. There is a reason to buy it though. It's a cheradee single, so you can nip off to your local gramophone emporium and pick up a copy knowing you've helped somebody somewhere. Just don't actually play it.

WHAT MAKES A MAN

Westlife

It can get really boring writing reviews for Westlife singles as you just end up repeating yourself ad inifinitum, so instead I'm going to tell you a joke I heard a while back. It's not very good, but here goes. This bloke wins the lottery and decides to treat his three sons to anything they want. The first kid asks for a train set, so his dad buys him the London Underground. The second kid asks for a record player and is delighted to be given Radio 1 by his proud (not to mention loaded) parent. The third kid, he doesn't really want much. All he wants is a cowboy outfit, so daddy buys him Railtrack.

TOUCH ME

Rui Da Silva

This has to be No1 for Christmas. It's got more atmosphere than the other two for starters (but then so has Bob The Builder), it jigs along at a merry pace and it samples Spandau Ballet and gets away with it too! What more could you ask?

The Best Songs Of The Millennium II

1998 / 1999

Binary Finary

Dance music as it should be done. It's uplifting, doesn't bother with mindless lyrics and it's a very fine tune to boot. Can't go wrong really and it doesn't. An absolute gem.

The Worst Songs Of The Millennium II

TRUE

Spandau Ballet

Once, Spandau Ballet were good. Then they released True and went upmarket, ie. rubbish. Everything about this eighties horror feels too sincere for me, like there's some sort of deeper message I'm supposed to get. Well, there isn't. It's just an over the top power ballad that should only ever be heard in wine bars.