HANDS

Jewel

Jewel is big in America. However, this is not America. Jewel could walk down the street here and nobody would ask for her autograph. Actually, so could the members of Altern-8 for that matter, but that’s entirely different. Jewel wants to be big here. They reckon a sweet little number like this with its roots entrenched in the Tori Amos / Kate Bush side of things should do the trick. If she has what it takes to go on Top Of The Pops and mime at the top of her lungs she could be in with a shout…

MIAMI

Will Smith

How do you write a song that’s guaranteed to shoot you into the charts as near as you like to No.1? Easy, get someone else to write it first, just so people have a rough idea of how it’s going to sound, you understand. Then you need some contemporary beats, so hire someone to accommodate you on that score. After that, all you need is some rhymes (my man), so step forward Will Smith and launch yourself into yet another epic on how ladies are just fantastic. All that applies to his previous singles and it certainly applies to this one, although this does it better than most.

THESE ARE SPECIAL TIMES

Celine Dion (album)

She’s back, just get used to it. This time though, she’s brought her mates with her. Did somebody call her Big Nose? One swift duet with Andrea Bocelli will silence that miscreant. Did I hear Howling Banshee? That deserves the big guns of Ms Dion and R Kelly, together at last. It’s patently obvious nobody can do this sort of thing like Celine Dion, not even you Whitney, which is precisely why come Christmas she’ll be making space on the living room wall for yet another platinum disc. It can be a hard life being a power-ballad specialist.