HOLLER

Spice Girls

First new material in two years? Yeah, right. Let's see now, since Goodbye came out at the back end of 1998, the four remaining Spice Girls have between them appeared on seven singles and one album, been on the telly more often than the news and been in more battles for the No1 than anyone cares to remember (and a few of those were against someone not totally unconnected to the band herself). Oh yes, they've been dead quiet they have. The trouble is, now they're back together, it sounds very much as though the solo careers are now the day job and the band is the spin-off. Whereas the first album was preceded by Wannabe and the second was led off by Spice Up Your Life, two fun, yet memorable singles that could only the Spice Girls could have got away with, this is… well… boring. Imagine rooting through your video collection only to find that some lunatic has filled every single second of all your videos with months-out-of-date recordings off of QVC. Then imagine watching it all. You should now have a mental image of how dull this song is. If you're going to call a song Holler, you'd expect a mad-for-it all-guns-blazing We're Back song, wouldn't you? You wouldn't expect a bog-standard R&B effort containing so little personality and interest it could've been a Reader's Digest "You may already have won…" letter in another life. It seems Craig David's habit of namechecking himself in every song he does is rubbing off as just two seconds in, some bloke helpfully informs us we're listening to the Spice Girls. Cheers mate, I thought it was Radiohead. Victoria's vocal contribution is unnoticeable and during some parts it sounds as though Mel C's been dumped at the back of the studio so the others can get a look in. Disappointing barely covers it, however the fact that this is their Worst. Single. Ever. (and that includes Stop) does. From here, things can only get better.

ON A NIGHT LIKE THIS

Kylie Minogue

Not this week though. This is uninspired pop that, just a few seconds after hearing it, I can honestly say is pretty forgettable. It sounds a little like the old Haddaway song What Is Love?, but with all the interesting stuff left out. It's all a bit of a downer, really.