SAY IT ISN’T SO

Bon Jovi

Imagine you're a character in a film that revolves around American kids at a University, living the high life, getting appalling grades and drinking excessive quantities of alcoholic beverages (although they won't do hard drugs because that's so 1987). Your character drives a cool car and is generally seen as the coolest bloke on campus - the 21^st Century equivalent to the Fonz, if you will. He always wears sunglasses, except for the obligatory scene where he's forced to confront his inner demons (man) and cry like Posh Spice upon seeing this week's No1, thereby proving that he's sensitive too. Now this character's rounded out, he needs a theme song that can be heard blaring out of his Cadillac (convertible, of course). A fairly standard, dull, driving rock mini-epic that parents would like as well as the kids. One of those songs that would sound great in a short 5 second burst until the protagonist gets out of the car, but over three or four minutes will rapidly get on your nerves. Where, oh where, would such a song exist? Gosh, tough one that…

BIG BROTHER UK THEME

ElementFour

There's a soundtrack CD for Big Brother. Odd that, seeing as the only real music on the show is the theme tune (the only music the inhabitants can hear is that which they make themselves). Who shouted "blatant cash-in" at the back there? Oh yes, that would be me. Mind you, on the amazingly-naff-concept-yet-unmissable-television scale, the show itself is right up there with The Word and so it comes a huge surprise (no, really it does) that Channel 4 have brought out the theme tune as a single. By rights, this should also be chalked up as a cash-in, but the tune stuffs that idea up by being good. It's trance, which means it's very fast, very boppy and damn good fun to listen to even if the echo effect makes it sound like the whole thing was recorded in a public toilet. Very few TV themes make good singles (as Anita Dobson can testify), so this makes a welcome change. Now, as long as Judge Jules doesn't remix the Newsnight theme, things should be fine.